


Sean Versus the Terrible Bundles of Fluff

by Funtimewriter



Series: Spoils of War [2]
Category: Adam Levine (Musician), Blake Shelton (Musician), The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Bonus fluff to celebrate 400 kudos holy crap, Completely unnecessary follow-up to Spoils of War, Domestic Fluff, Hey luvs you wanted more Sean here he is, Implied Mpreg, M/M, Requested Fluff, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2017-04-03
Packaged: 2018-10-14 06:56:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10531254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Funtimewriter/pseuds/Funtimewriter
Summary: Holy crap, "Spoils" got 400 kudos!  I've had this bit of fluff in mind for a while, especially with the frequent requests I've gotten for more of Sean the World's Worst Vampire.  So here's some meaningless fluff about what happens when Blake, Adam, and Ben all decide to go out on the same day and make the mistake of trusting a certain half-vampire to babysit their children.





	

**Author's Note:**

> If anyone cares, yes, this is actually Sean's backstory.
> 
> Music here is "These Are The Days Of Our Lives" by Queen  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LukqdKFfXl4

            Sean was in over his head.  Baby lycans swarmed the floor, gnawing persistently on his ankles.  His boots were covered with tiny toothmarks.  On the couch, a beta with an ominous odor and a suspicious bulge in her diaper was whining, about to break into full-fledged screaming.  Near her another beta calmly made tatters of Sean's beloved coonskin hat.  But worst of all were the alpha and the omega.  Dylan, the baby alpha, was easy to spot.  Unlike the nearly uniform grey of the betas, his fur was dark and silver-tipped, with a dark stripe that ran over his head from just above his right eye.  Even Sean thought he was a handsome pup.  But he wouldn't be handsome for much longer if the white-furred omega had her way.  Why Ol' Red and Lassie had chosen to name their insane omega daughter "Serena" was beyond Sean.  Obviously the Pack Alpha and his omega mate had been deluding themselves.  Everyone knew the white fur was the mark of a berserker.  Serena would grow up to be as deadly as her father someday.  Of course, even without being a berserker, her mother was just as crazy.  So really, was it any wonder that their daughter was a holy terror?

            As usual, Serena was after Dylan.  This time, she had the distraught baby alpha by the scruff of his neck and was dragging him closer and closer to the edge of the couch.  Her blue eyes seemed to gleam as she eyed the drop below.  Dylan was crying and whimpering pathetically, his paws frantically trying to gain purchase and keep him from being dragged to possible doom below.  But Serena's grip had him practically on his back.  He'd have little chance to help himself if she decided to jump.

            Of course, she decided to jump.

            Annoyed, Sean grabbed the pair and hauled them both to safety, receiving a sharp bite on his finger from the omega for his pains.  "Dammit, girl!" he scolded.  "Bad enough you're a maniac and hell-bent for leather on dropping yourself on your head.  Why do you always have to drag poor little Dylan with you?"

            Dylan's blue eyes, identical to Serena's, looked pitiful as he gazed up at Sean.  Sean scratched him behind his ears and placed him in relative safety under the table.  He shook his finger at Serena's face as she snapped at him again and put her on the opposite side of the room.  Then he went back to the center just as the pup in need of changing began to scream her demands.

            Why the hell had he agreed to babysit?

            Sure, it was great that Fido had finally made a move.  Sean's best friend had been mooning after Ben Stefani for way to long, to the point where Sean hadn't even had the heart to give the gentle omega any nickname other than "Gentle Ben," even though that was for a bear rather than a wolf.  But it was so cute, how smitten Fido really was!  The beta had finally, after much encouragement, teasing, and a few threats from Sean, worked up the courage to ask the omega out.  Naturally, Sean keeping an eye on Ben's pups, which included Dylan, came with that.  But then Sean had stupidly agreed to help out Ol' Red when the Pack Alpha had mentioned wanting to take Lassie out for a romantic evening under the full moon.  It wasn't until the day was nearly upon him that Sean had realized he'd just volunteered to watch both sets of pups on the same night.  Of course, the old stories about the full moon having terrible effects on werewolves were just superstitions.

            Sean believed that right until he'd come into Blake's house and got an eyeful of his charges for the night.  The pups were clearly insane.  But what could the half-vampire do?  Fido was there, pimped out in his best with his heart in his eyes and his hands full of flowers, falling all over himself to try to impress Gentle Ben.  And here was Ol' Red, his eyes fixed on Lassie and his mind obviously not on anything else.  Lassie and Ben had run around, herding their charges towards Sean and giving him overlapping, contradicting instructions that hadn't made any sense and he'd already planned to ignore anyway.  Sean reminded the four that he had centuries of experience which certainly included many ways to deal with children.  He'd assured them that everything would be fine.  He touted his expertise and pointed out that the children were already falling all over their beloved Uncle Sean (mostly because they were biting his ankles, but hey, it still counted).  And then he'd shooed them out and bid them good luck, hot sex, and a great night.

            Gentle Ben had hugged Sean and whispered a sweet, happy thank you in his ear.  Sean guessed the poor omega had been feeling neglected, because Fido's equipment was laughable next to a standard alpha.  Still, it looked like his beta friend might get lucky tonight.

            The half-vampire contented himself with this thought when Lassie hugged him as well, and whispered a sweet, happy threat to rip out Sean's liver and show it to him if anything happened to any of the puppies.

            The Last Western Warrior still clearly had trust issues.

            Now it was just Sean and the fluffballs.  Sean changed three diapers, did a quick headcount, and searched for ten minutes frantically until he found Serena and Dylan.  While he was changing and wiping, the omega had made her way back across the room to her favorite reluctant playmate, herding the poor henpecked alpha into the kitchen and using him as a stepstool to try to get up on the counter, right next to the knife rack.

            "You know, back in my day, we had pens where we could put naughty puppies," Sean scolded, carrying both pups back to the main group.  "We also had shock collars.  And muzzles!  Little girl, Uncle Sean is going to need those fingers for many things, including grown-up things that he's planning to do tomorrow night with the Arch Druid's daughter.  How about you stop trying to bite them off?  No?  Yeah, I know, I'm delicious.  Ok, once again, you go in this corner, poor little Dylan goes over here.  Damn, boy, you're bigger than her, why do you let her push you around?  You're setting a bad precedent, son!  I'm all for women's equality and huzzah for omega rights, but you're an alpha!  Growl at her or something!  She was just standing on your face, kid, where's those big round alpha balls?  None of my wives or girlfriends ever stood on my face, boy, let me tell you!"

            Sean looked around and discovered the eye of every pup was on him.  The chubby beta had even paused in devouring his hat and seemed to be listening.  "Well now!" Sean exclaimed, pleased.  "You want a story!  A story from your favorite uncle!  Ok, that I can do!"

            The half-vampire plopped his leather-clad bottom into a chair, clasped his hands, and tried to think of where to start.

            "You like that hat you just ate, kid?  Well, it's not only tasty and full of fiber that your mother is going to have a fit about when it shows up in your diaper later, it's a great fashion statement!  You use to hear a lot about some asshole named Davey Crocket that was famous for it, but it was your good old Uncle Sean that really took the trend to its peak.  Of course, by the time I discovered my fantastic taste in headwear, the trend had largely faded out.  Men were wearing hats then that just didn't have the same flair, you know, kids?  I got a lot of rude comments about mountain men, and the rudest of all was my dad.  My father was what is called a Douche Bag.  Can you say 'Douche Bag,' children?  Now, since you all live here together in the same house and Ol' Red and Lassie call each other that and worse on a daily basis, I know you've heard it before.  When they say it, it's ok, because we all know they love each other and they show it weird because they're both crazy.  But I also know that somehow or another it will end up being Uncle Sean's fault when those are your first words, so never mind.  Anyway, my Douche Bag father was a full blooded vampire.  Now, Uncle Sean's way too bashful to describe in any real detail exactly how your favorite uncle came to be born.  Suffice to say that Serena's parents and Dylan's momma are probably in the act right now, takin' old one-eye to the optometrist, sounding the well, taking the bologna train to tuna town, you get the idea, Fido and Ol' Red are probably balls deep as we speak, and that's exactly what my Douche Bag father did to my lovely human mother and the result was the perfection before you now."

            "Now comes the sad part of the story," Sean continued.  "Turns out Douche Bag wasn't really in love with my mother and never thought she'd pop out little ol' me.  I wasn't much older than you kids, maybe six or seven, when he found out I existed.  And that's when he showed up one night and took me away.  Never did understand why.  All I know is I never saw my mother again, because he took me to some big vampire coven house to be raised with some other vamp kids.  Well, it was obvious early on that your Uncle Sean was special.  As everyone knows, I'm a gentle soul, a perfect gentleman and the soul of wit.  Meanwhile, the self-entitled fuckers thought they were hot shit on a silver platter because they were full bloods.  They took offense when I told them they were just cold turds on paper plates and that's when my sad bullied childhood began.  Let that be a lesson, children.  When you're obviously better than your peers, it's best to try to hide your light under a bushel for a little while, at least until you're big enough to knock out some asshole's fangs and get them to leave you alone.  Alas, that day never came for your dear Uncle Sean.  I was tormented daily, called 'human' like it was a bad word, and at the end, a couple of those dicks actually fed on me.  Personally, I think they had secret crushes on me and that was the closest they could get to a piece of my sweet fanny."

            "But in the end, joke was on them, because that saved my life.  Some human vampire hunters laid waste to the whole joint.  And when they found me, beat to shit with 'human' written on my forehead and bites out of my neck, well, they thought I was actually human and rescued me.  Hell of a stroke of luck!  Of course, then I ended up eating one of them and had to run for my life.  So then I was on my own, and without my awesome coonskin hat."

            "Well, as you can imagine, I'd had about enough of vampire life.  My father escaped the purge at the coven and came looking for me, so I spent the next century or two running from the fucker.  Never could figure out why he was so obsessed with having me with him, to be honest.  When I lived with him, he ignored me most of the time and spent the rest of the time telling me that I needed to embrace my vampire nature and turn my back forever on the weak human inside me.  But I decided when I was a teenager that he didn't know what the hell he was talking about and did the complete opposite.  And that's why, when he finally tracked me down and came after me, every man in the village stood by my side to fight him off.  Best night of my life was when that fucker went up in flames!  Oh, er, I mean, when he went away and never came back, because of course it's terrible to think even a douchebag like him would have been burned alive.  Oh come on, Dylan, stop crying!  There, there.  Damn, you're sensitive.  Ok, calm now, buddy?  Good."

            Sean put the calmed alpha toddler back down and returned to his chair.  "Where was I?  Oh yes, my hat!  My hat at that time was a cowboy hat, you know, that big floppy thing Serena's dad sometimes wears?  I was the best bronco buster in the land!  Of course, the fact that I could charm animals had a hell of a lot to do with that, but hey, what they didn't know didn't hurt them and got me all the pussy, kids, I mean, women were spreading when I walked down the street.  There was this one outhouse next to a hotel, and I must have pounded my way through a dozen honeys in that thing!  There was even this set of twins that, er, forget I said any of that and never ever tell your parents.  Anyway, Uncle Sean did very well for himself training pretty little horsies and had a lot of pretty lady friends and nothing else happened.  The fact that three jilted husbands, seven ex-boyfriends and a few pissed-off daddies with shotguns ran me out of town doesn't count.  Miss Shelton-Levine!  I see you sneaking towards Dylan again!  Back to your corner, missy, and don't you growl at me!  That's right, march your little white-furred butt.  Good girl."

            "Back to the hat.  After that, I wore a felt hat and worked in an office building.  I think I liked it better when my father was chasing me, because my boss was a bigger dick than my dad ever thought of being, and he didn't even kill people!  Well, not literally.  He always was making a killing on the market, killing people's hopes and dreams by driving them out of business.  That is, when he wasn't busy plowing his secretary.  Not that I could blame him.  She was this perky blonde with legs clear up to her ears and the nicest set of titties you could…  AHEM!  Never mind all that.  Suffice to say, I arranged for him to get into some serious trouble and then skipped town with the secretary, who was a very nice lady and my, um…"  He counted on his fingers, frowned, counted again, and then shook his head.  "Well, she ended up being one of my ex-wives.  Which one doesn't matter.  She was very nice, but she also got very fat and in the end her can was so huge that I practically had to tie myself to a two by four to keep from falling in whenever we ANYWAY!  When that marriage didn't work out, I left town again and got a new hat."

            "This time my hat was a baseball cap, kids!  Your Uncle Sean had a chance to really make it big on the diamond.  The fact that I had no talent to speak of didn't matter, because Uncle Sean, as you all know, has telekinesis.  I didn't hit the ball out of the park every time, but I did it enough to get noticed.  Unfortunately, a certain wife of a certain high-ranking official in the baseball league noticed your handsome Uncle Sean as well.  And while her husband claimed to be all about baseball, he didn't really approve of the way she could handle the balls, if you know what I mean.  So I got tossed out of baseball and I was very upset."

            "Dick!" Dylan called.

            "Little boy, I have got to have a talk with your momma about your mouth!  Oh, your brother Dicky!  Hang on, what are you doing?"  Sean grabbed the beta, did a few quick thrusts to the lycan's abdomen, and the striped tail of a coonskin hat flew from his throat.  Dicky immediately gasped, got his breath back enough to start crying, and began to do so with gusto.  "Ok, that was way too close," Sean sighed, cuddling the traumatized child.  "You see, this is why we do not eat people's hats.  Oh yes, hats!  Where was I?"

            "My next hat was an army helmet.  Some rich piece of shit came through town, waving bundles of money and looking for someone to go to the draft for him.  Now, at the time, your favorite uncle was doing large quantities of some very interesting chemicals that did fun things to my mind.  So when this asshole talked about the draft, I thought he meant he was trying to draft someone for baseball.  Obviously, my amazing talent on the field was coming back to save me, and here was a ton of money for more interesting chemicals.  And by the time the chemicals wore off, and I realized I'd just joined the army, it was too late.  And that is why your dear sweet Uncle Sean, the most peaceful of men, went to a place called Vietnam.  It was a terrible time, children.  When I wasn't hiding under a plant or in a filthy ditch, I was hiding in a bar or in bed with a sweet little hottie.  Oh yeah, and there was a war going on.  The war itself was probably terrible.  Me, I ran the first time I heard gunfire and spent the rest of the entire war hiding from both sides.  It's the reason I became a pacifist, children, and I hope my example inspires you." 

            He paused, and for a long moment, didn't say anything at all.  The half-vampire's eyes were far away, lost in memory.  "You know, the kids were the worst part, and I mean kids on both sides, actual children and the kids who were in that war.  The ones I fought with, and those I fought against.  They actually wanted to give me a medal for getting shot, another medal for pulling out what was left of my squad mates when we got ambushed, another one for completing our mission myself, hell, I was supposed to get a bunch of 'em.  But what was the point, that war?  Bullets tore me up, hurt like hell, but what I am meant I could walk through what cut down all my friends at my side.  And when I found out that our target was a POW camp and saw what was going on there?  Yeah, I pretty much unleashed the beast, became exactly what my father always wanted me to be.  That stupid war was the closest I ever came to losing my humanity.  So I passed on the medals, took my ticket home, and that, children, is why I hate fighting.  And it's a stupid story.  It was a stupid hat."

            Sean kissed the now quiet beta and put him back on the couch, taking pains to remove what bits and scraps were left of his hat and disposing of them.  Then he returned to his chair and faced the quiet, solemn children.  Even Serena was still and watching him.  He clapped his hands together again.  "Ok!  My next hat, children, wasn't a hat at all.  It was an orderly's uniform, because I took a job in a hospital.  It was a very special hospital, one that certain omegas in this room should take note of.  It was called an insane asylum!  I got to work with all kinds of neat people, folks who thought they were other folks, people who heard voices, people who thought they were vampires but obviously weren't because believe me, I know the difference, and of course people who just didn't fit in anywhere else.  Those were the ones I liked the best.  But then they started doing surgery with ice picks and people started getting suspicious of me again, and I realized that they were readying those ice picks for me, so I took off again."

            "Well, after that, I didn't get to wear many hats, because not many people wore them.  And then everything became electronic.  That was a huge pain in the ass.  Before, I could just move from place to place when people started to wonder why I didn't age and no one really gave a shit.  But now, you were expected to have photo ID, social security number, driver's license, it really was an almighty huge pain in the ass!  And of course, the werewolves were more numerous.  You guys were always around, saw a few of you back at that insane asylum post ice pick and not able to go lycan anymore, but towards the end, you saw them a lot more.  And you really were a much bigger pain in my ass than the humans, to be honest, because back then, you could figure out pretty quick what I was.  And lucky me, you ended up the dominant species when the stupid humans decided to nuke us all.  Only reason I even survived that was because I was robbing a bank at the time and was protected by being in the vault.  Got hurt, of course, burned the shit out of me and took a long, long time to recover.  But that was pretty much the state of the whole planet.  So I traveled, and eventually managed to hear about a druid compound in the west.  So I made my way there.  And lo and behold!  My favorite fashion, the coonskin cap, was once again the trend.  After all those centuries, all that bullshit, we'd come full circle.  And that, children, is why today, your handsome, charming, polite and all-around wonderful Uncle Sean always wears a coonskin hat!  Unless, of course, your halfwit brother happens to eat it.  Seriously, Dicky, that was not food!  Now I gotta get another one!"

****

            "I'm going to kill him," Adam vowed quietly.  "Blake, I am going to eviscerate that damned vampire!"

            "Ah, he's fine," Blake chuckled.  "The kids love him, and they were all about that crazy story.  Do you think any of it's true?"

            "I make it a point to immediately regard everything that comes out of Sean's mouth as complete bullshit until proven otherwise," Adam whispered.  "I've found it's the best policy for dealing with that dick."

            "The point is, the kids are obviously fine with him," Blake urged.  "So how about you and I maybe climb down out of this tree, stop spying and evesdropping, and actually, you know, have that date?"

            Adam continued to look through the spyglass the druids had given him, his attention fixed on the house.  "Maybe next time.  Mmm, the time after that."

            Blake cocked an eyebrow.  "The time after that?"

            "Sure!  Blake, if Sean can prove that he's responsible three separate times, then we can safely go off on a date without worrying constantly," Adam explained cheerfully.  "You know, next time we might even think about bringing sandwiches or something?  It is our night out away from the kids, after all."

            Blake stared at his omega for a long moment.  Then he casually picked Adam up and climbed rapidly down out of the tree.

            "What are you doing?" Adam hissed.  "We can't see into the house from down here!"

            "Precisely."  Blake started off, his long legs rapidly carrying himself and his protesting mate out of the town.  Adam pounded on his back and called him every name in the book.  But Blake kept moving.

            After a time, he reached his destination, a small hill in an open field near the town.  There, he let Adam down.

            Adam immediately jumped back up, fists clenched.  "Dammit, Blake!  The house could be on fire right now and we wouldn't know!"

            "Sean knows how to call the fire brigade," Blake said calmly.  He pulled Adam into his lap and held the squirming, upset omega close.  "Adam?" he said softly.  "Look around."

            Adam looked up, and went still.  Above him, the full moon shone in all its glory, dimming the stars.  Silvery light filled the world, and everything around them was transformed by it.  The trees were in full leaf, and the field where they sat was filled with long-stemmed grass that rippled in the passing breeze.  But where the lights in the sky had been washed out of the sky by the moon, they appeared to have fallen to the Earth.  The lights of a thousand stars flashed and glowed, dancing in the night air, illuminating the grass, the trees, and the two lovers as they sat on a soft blanket, the alpha holding tight to his omega as he stared, entranced.

            "I found this some time ago," Blake confessed.  "Found out that the fireflies are the most active on warm nights like this, usually right around this time of year.  But I never did get to take you out here.  What do you think, city boy?"

            "Fireflies?  Are they on fire?"

            In answer, Blake gently snagged one of the soft green lights as it came near.  "Hold out your hand.  It's a little bug, see?"

            "It is!  And it's not hot at all."  Adam leaned close, the soft glow illuminating the wonder in his eyes as the insect floated up once more, moving to rejoin its fellows in the light show around them.  Adam blinked, looked around, and chuckled.  "You planned this," he accused shyly.  "You had this blanket out here already!"

            "Damned right."  Blake didn't even try to hide his smile.

            "And what, exactly, did you think was going to happen?"

            In answer, Blake bent down and kissed him.  Adam kissed him back, letting Blake push him down onto the blanket.  And in the light of the fireflies, the two made their own personal light show, basking together in the light of love.

            To his credit, Adam never once thought of what might be happening with their half-vampire babysitter back at the house.  For that reason, he had no idea that Sean had called on every rat, possum, raccoon and bat in the town to help his frantic search for Serena and Dylan, who had followed after her when she somehow managed to get out of the house and up onto the roof.

            When their terrified babysitter located them, the tiny alpha and omega were lying peacefully together on the edge of the roof, surrounded by fireflies.


End file.
